So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
