Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
