i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
