So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
