Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
