Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
