I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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