You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
