BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
