some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
