Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
