I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
