So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
