I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
