Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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