I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
