Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
