but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
