I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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