Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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