You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
