Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
