Who did Billy Mays play for?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
