There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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