1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
