God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
