also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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