is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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