Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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