The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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