I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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