the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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