if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
