I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
