Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
