I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
