I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I came so hard my ears popped.
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