office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
