pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
