how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
