I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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