at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
