things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
