I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
