she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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