I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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