sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
