____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
