Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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