3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
