it's too hot outside to masturbate.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
