She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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