I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
