Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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