This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
