Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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