dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
