Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
