can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
