All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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