If that was your dad, he is hot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
