They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
