I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
