she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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