it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
