So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
