Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
