I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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