I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
