You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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