I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
