My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
