batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
