The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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