It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
