I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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