She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
should my penis look like a turkey
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Randomize
