I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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